We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
