you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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