I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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