I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
