I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I smell stomach acid.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
