bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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