be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
