you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
