I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
