I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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