someone get that fucking seahorse.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
