I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
