oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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