There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
