I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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