I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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