ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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