my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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