I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
