morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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