I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
