what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
