It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
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Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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