Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
