Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
