YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
