my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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