Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
