i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize