I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
