you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
