Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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