Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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