I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
