Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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