Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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