So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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