They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
