yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
