It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
