Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
