That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
