Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
