who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
