will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
