I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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