Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
