In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
