Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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