you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
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nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
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The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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