I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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