I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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