My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
