the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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