Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
