chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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