If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
