I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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