just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
