Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
