As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
not ubering you a puppy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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