You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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