There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just pee around me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
