I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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