I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
