I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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