I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
