Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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