I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
