I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
