idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"