I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If its not for food we ain't going out.