is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.