But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you need anything just hit me up
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."