lets start a swedish sibling band together
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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