I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...