I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell