mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
