my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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