My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
