mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
North Korea, Best Korea!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
