why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
